“Hakuna Matata!” Don’t worry, oh my sister!
My name is Insaaf. I am 17 years old and I’m a 1st year student at Zahraa Institute.
Being Muslim
Allah
Allah
Allah
Who is Allah(ﷻ)?
Why did He create me?
Who is Muhammad(ﷺ)?
What is Qur’an?
I thought I knew.
And before I joined Zahraa institute I would have simply just said:
Who is Allah(ﷻ)?
My Creator.
Why did He create me?
To live a life on this Dunya where I plan to have a family, a successful career and to achieve the best of things.
Who is Muhammad (ﷺ)?
The last Messenger(ﷺ) .
What is the Qur’an?
The Book of Allah.
I was Muslim by name, but not by heart. By saying this, I meant I was Muslim because I was born Muslim. I was a Muslim because the day of Eid is what I celebrated.
I was taught to wear hijab. Why? Because I was a Muslim
I was taught to make salah. Why? Because I was a Muslim
I was taught to fast in the month of Ramadan. Why? Because I was a Muslim
But why am I a Muslim? Because Allah made me a Muslim
Who is Allah? My Creator
And there it is, the cycle begins again.
Society
I was young, I lived my life as it came,
Because she had nice pink takkies, I wanted nice pink takkies too. I needed nice pink takkies too.
Because her jeans were tighter than mine and she got all the attention from the boys, I started wearing tracksuit pants under my jeans to make mine fit even tighter than hers.
It was a constant battle to fit in, wanting to be looked at like those “I-have-it-all” girls, to basically be better.
Society swallowed me up.
I didn’t know.
Society swallowed me up.
I was oblivious to what was happening to me
And yet I did not know society had swallowed me up.
I grew up thinking it was okay, thinking it was right. Little did I know I took the left turn and it was wrong.
Yet again, I was young. I lived my life as it came.
Because she had nice pink takkies, I wanted nice pink takkies too. I needed nice pink takkies too.
I was not sure of my decisions, I followed society, it was the only thing I knew.
The only thing I followed.
The only thing I was exposed to.
Confusion
I just could not shake this empty feeling.
I felt lost, I was lost.
I felt confused, I was confused.
I felt empty, I was empty.
I WAS EMPTY
I couldn’t anymore, I didn’t know what was happening to me
I cried for days. It went on for 2 years.
Until, finally, I decided I needed to know my purpose.
Who is the one who created me?
And why?
WHY?
Days got dark.
Nights became scary.
Being in a crowd of people became lonely.
I was drowning.
What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?
I cried.
Why? Why? Why?
I cried.
Until…
I shouted out to myself,
In my room,
Dark and alone…
Allah !
Who are you?!
Where are you?!
Help me!
I don’t know what to do!
I’m lost!
Help me!
Oh Allah! Oh Allah! Oh Allah!
I cried and cried and cried and eventually, I fell asleep.
First step
And without me knowing yet, my journey to finding Him (ﷻ), began…
That morning, I woke up curled up on the edge of my bed. The sun seemed brighter, the air smelled sweeter and my eyes were puffier.
As soon as I stood up from my slumber, I decided to visit someone. Not just anyone – a friend.
A friend who begged me for years to don the hijab, to make my salah and to read my Qur’an. This time I needed to know why she was so passionate and sincere and committed to her religion. I needed to know why she loved it so much.
I remember it like it was yesterday.
I got to her house and saw she was home. With confidence I knocked on her front door but no one answered.
I knocked again. She probably did not hear me the first time, right? Yet again, no answer.
I knocked again and still no answer.
That’s when I thought to myself, “Why would she even want to open her door for me?” She has no reason to after all I did was lash at her on how annoying she was being.
With that I turned around thinking how foolish I was being. I thought Allah really brought me here. I actually believed He (ﷻ) did, but I was wrong. I was hallucinating to my convenience.
I left her house feeling once again lost. Confused. Empty.
Hope
That’s when I heard someone shout my name. I wasn’t sure so I didn’t bother to look. I guess I was hallucinating again.
No.
I was wrong.
It was her.
She ran towards me and as soon as she came within my reach I jumped into her arms and I could not stop the tears from falling.
I saw hope once again.
Allah(ﷻ) helped me. Shaytan tried to discourage me, that’s what happened.
She let me into her room and sat me down.
I told her I needed help. I felt lost and I needed answers?
Why was she so passionate about being a Muslim?
How was she able to be so sincere in her duties?
Surely there must be a reason to it all?
After I told her everything her first words to me were:
“Alhamdulillah, you are blessed. So don’t worry, oh my sister! Sometimes, Allah wants a certain level of Jannah for someone and sometimes when their good deeds alone can’t get them there, Allah gives them hardships and difficulties to persevere through. So that He may constantly reward them for their patience”. What a blessing indeed, SubhanAllah.
I left my friend’s home feeling overwhelmed by hope.
But this time, I was confident.
Alhamdulillah.
I came home and headed straight for the Qur’an sitting on my shelf. I was saddened by the thick layer of dust that had accumulated over the months. The dust was so thick that I could not blow it off. I had to wipe it away.
If only I knew that that was the state of my heart.
I turned to a familiar page and started reciting. I tried. I struggled. And eventually I could not go any further.
However, I was determined to at least finish this surah, even if it was in my home language.
I continued in the translation Qur’an and the following verse read: “Your Lord has not forsaken you, nor is He displeased”. [Verse 3: Surah Duha]
Upon hearing this, I knew it was directed to me. My Lord has spoken to me. I was crumbling. My heart was shaking. For I had finally found my Creator and finally became a Muslim. Not by name but by heart.
Alhamdulillah.
At that moment I understood why she begged me to obey my Creator. I finally understood how blessed I was. Alhamdulillah.
Indeed, my Lord loves me and is with me. To guide me and to protect me. And all I had to do now was embrace His love for me. For us. For Muslims.
Abu Dharr reported: The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “Allah(ﷻ) says: …Whoever draws close to me by the length of an arm, I will draw close to him by the length of a fathom. Whoever comes to me walking, I will come to him running. Whoever meets me with enough sins to fill the earth, not associating any idols with me, I will meet him with as much forgiveness.” [Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2687]
Journeying On
And with that I learnt:
Big or small,
Tall or short,
Rich or poor,
Black or white,
Mansion or shack,
None of these descriptions matter, none at all.
We are all souls with a borrowed body from our Creator, our Nourisher, our Sustainer, Allah.
We as human beings are created with our very own battles and the greatest one of them all is battling our own desires.
Read: “What truly broke my heart” – Student Testimonial
We all need to work on ourselves, but we also cannot expect immediate change overnight. We need to constantly work and strive towards a better me, a better us, a better Muslim.
We cannot walk around, sit around and stand around judging others. We all have our own battles.
We are on this world for the same purpose of believing in Allah (ﷻ), our Creator. We came from Allah, for Allah, to Allah.
Every Muslim is going to end up in a hole 6 feet under, dressed in a white cloth.
So let us not think that we are more superior than others. For that alone should simply humble our existence.
What was the point of those trending pink takkies and tight jeans? Who was it for?
We spend our whole lives thinking about what other people will say. But in the end, all they will say is “Innā lillāhi wa innā ilayhi rāji’oon”.
So if it’s not for Allah? What benefit is it to us?
So instead, let us worry about what Allah thinks of us because it is HE(ﷻ) whom we will be returning to. SubhanAllah.
Alhamdulillah, I was guided.
Thumma Alhamdulillah.
I’m so blessed to be a Muslim. Not just any Muslim, but a Muslim by heart.
I continued my journey with the help of my friend, who is now my best friend. Alhamdulillah. I made it my mission to go and seek the Deen of Islam and learn as much as I can to help those like me. This lead me to Zahraa Institute. This is an institute for females, run by female, where they empower you through Qur’an. Every student of Zahraa Institute firmly holds onto their motto “Illuminate the path ahead and nurture the light within” and this can be seen through their sisterhood bond.
If you ask me now the same questions I had struggled with before, I will proudly say:
Who is Allah(ﷻ)?
My Lord, the One my heart beats for, the reason I’m alive and the reason I’m going to die one day, for Him.
Why did He create me?
To worship Him, to test me in this world, so I can pass and proudly enter His Jannah. Āmin.
Who is Muhammad (ﷺ)?
Our last and final Prophet (ﷺ), the one who went through hunger and pain, through sweat and tears to preserve Islam by the power of Allah, so that today we can proudly say we’re Muslims and the Ummah of the beloved of Allah.
What is the Qur’an?
The Qur’an is the words of Allah. Not just any words, but a gift, a guide, a map to Jannah. It’s food for our souls. It’s a cure and a companion. Qur’an is alive. It’s a miracle and a message. SubhanAllah.
Patience
I always wondered how patience could possibly be beautiful.
It is painful and tiring. Patience is a constant state of effort.
It is exhausting.
But patience is simply trust.
Trusting Him, despite the pain, the difficulty, the confusion.
Patience is giving up everything you love, which you think is good for you but is actually bad for you, for the One who loves you the most.
So when He calls unto you, don’t be afraid to accept His proposal, for surely He definitely knows what your heart needs.
And what could be more beautiful than that?
Than finding the One who loves you more than what a mother loves her own child?
When in the end we are promised the most beautiful, most perfect world that no mind can even imagine, nor fathom? Except that which He wills.
Our final destination after all our tests and contemplation.
When we are promised Jannah!
